Writing Sex Scenes

Paul-Albert Besnard

A crucial question when writing any novel is "Who is your audience?"

Are you targeting the sweet and innocent Hallmark crowd or the full frontal erotica audience? It makes a huge difference in content.

The Romance genre is unique in that there are imprints with specific requirements, sometimes down to the page number when the characters first kiss. Even if you self-publish, it helps to understand reader expectations. The worst sin you can commit is to make a promise to a reader about the kind of story you are going to tell then break it. Don't promise cozy Christian and break out the whips and chains.

The foremost authority on the genre is, of course, Romance Writers of America. If you have questions about breaking into the genre, they are the place to begin.

The keys to tension in Romance are longing and desire, the wait to consummate, not the mechanics. In one of the most passionate love scenes I watched in a movie, the characters didn't touch. They came very, very close, but they knew it was forbidden and would destroy their lives. The heat they kindled in that fully-clothed, physically-restrained scene was scorching. You don't have to bare all to write passion.

Click to Tweet: In Romance, just like Mysteries and Thrillers, the tension lies in what comes before the "bang."

As for sex, so many writers get it wrong. The encounters read like letters to a men's magazine or suffer from purple prose.  Writers figure they know what sex is and writing about it is easy. Not so. In fact, in the age of #metoo and #consent and sensitivity, it has never been more important to get it right.

Here are a few articles on writing sex and consent with sensitivity:

1. How to Write Consent in Novels by Hannah Giorgis

2. The Romance Novelist's Guide to Hot Consent by Kelly Faircloth

3. Remnants of the Bodice Ripper: How Consent is Characterized in Heterosexual and Lesbian Erotic Romance Novels by Audrey Miles Malloy

4. Everything You Need to Know About Consent That You Never Learned in Sex Ed by  Zhana Vrangalova

5. From First Meeting to Sex: 12 Stages of Physical Intimacy from Parents Magazine


Here are a few books on writing sex scenes that can help you avoid purple prose.

1. "I Give You My Body . . .": How I Write Sex Scenes  by  Diana Gabaldon

2. Naughty Words for Nice Writers A Romance Novel Thesaurus by Cara Bristol

3. How to Write Hot Sex: Tips from Multi-Published Erotic Romance Authors by multiple authors 

4. Words and Phrases: Make Your Sex Scenes Sizzle by Sabrina Devonshire

5. Thinking Like A Romance Writer: The Sensual Writer's Sourcebook of Words and Phrases by Dahlia Evans

Next week, we will look at the Five T's of Sex Scenes.

For more on the topic:

List of Obstacles to Love 

List of Connection Points

Subliminal Messages in Romance

Sixteen Lovers Part 1 (based on personality types)

Sixteen Lovers Part 2

Sixteen Lovers Part 3

Sixteen Lovers Part 4

Check out the Build A Romance Workbook available in ebook and print.