Obstacles to Love

Last week, we looked at points of connection that bring your lovers together. This week we examine conflicts that drive your lovers apart.

People have different needs, wants, expectations, and ways of going about things. At the center of every conflict is a core need that is threatened. The stakes are emotional, physical, or relationship life or death. They strike at the person’s need for safety and security. It only takes one person to feel unloved or unappreciated when his or her currency is not understood or fulfilled. It is amplified when they expect the other person to interpret what they want instead of asking for it. Make sure the conflicts don’t outnumber the points of connection.

1 Absence due to war or other cause

1 Addiction (of any kind)

1 Differences in age and/or experience

1 Different backgrounds (small town/big city)

1 Bad choices (you know you are doing something wrong and do it anyway)

1 Blaming each other for things (real or imagined)

1 Blending families

1 Broken promises

1 Changing expectations (often after a commitment is made)

1 Children versus no desire for children

1 City versus country

1 Differences in education

1 Differences in financial status, values, management

1 Differences in level of commitment

1 Differences in personality types

1 Differences in social status

1 Different approaches to problems

1 Different beliefs in social justice

1 Different communication styles

1 Different core values

1 Different conditioning

1 Different emotional currencies

1 Different friends

1 Different opinions

1 Different goals

1 Different ethnicity, culture, species, paranormal entities

1 Different levels of intimacy

1 Different leisure activities

1 Different obligations

1 Different planning styles (back-up plans versus winging it)

1 Different politics

1 Differences in religion

1 Different social needs

1 Different values

1 Disparity in income or financial infidelity

1 Divided loyalties

1 Division of Labor

1 Family dysfunction or objections

1 Familiarity breeding contempt

1 Fighting about superficial topics instead of deeper issues

1 Fighting styles

1 Friends that interfere or offend

1 Geography

1 Handling stress

1 How to spend free time

1 Inability to admit being wrong

1 Inability to apologize

1 Insecurities

1 Internal resistance to pairing for life

1 Jobs

1 Legal impediments

1 Lifestyle incompatibility

1 Miscommunication or opposing communication styles

1 Mistakes (you didn’t know you were doing something wrong)

1 Misunderstandings (past or present)

1 Prejudice

1 Pride

1 Past relationships/history

1 Psychological dysfunction or illness

1 Relationship deal-breakers

1 Resentment

1 Secrets and Lies

1 Sexuality forbidden

1 Sexual needs and preferences

1 Shame or guilt over something

1 Societal restrictions or taboos

1 Who controls the money

1 Who contributes financially and how that money is spent

1 Who is in the power position in the relationship

Something to be conscious of when writing Romance is that you can’t have an antagonistic/abusive relationship up until the fourth quarter of the book then suddenly turn it around at the end, or as I call it “the plot called for it” resolution. To portray healthy relationships, there must be more positive moments than negative moments, more things bringing them together than tearing them apart. A good ratio is three positives for every negative.

There must also be resolution to the major conflicts. This happens when characters state their needs and fears, ask for change, get reassurance, make a commitment to change, then show the change happening. It doesn’t require a full chapter to do so. It can be quick moments. Too many novels show the breaking up but not the making up. Every character needs what I call “witnessing.” That is feeling loved, seen, heard, and appreciated. Show the characters displaying these things to each other to heal the story rifts.

Don’t make the differences so great that reconciliation becomes implausible. You can build realistic obstacles to love and conflicts without stretching credibility.

To learn more about plotting the Romance, check out the recently released Romance Build A Plot Workbook available in print and e-book.

Next week, we will examine Science Fiction subgenres.

For more about how to craft plots using conflict check out, Story Building Blocks: The Four Layers of conflict available in print and e-book and check out the free tools and information about the series on my website.

Romance: Points of Connection

In addition to the obstacles that fit normal plots, you have to come up with two important components for the love story: what brings them together and keeps them together and obstacles to drive them apart. The couple faces unique problems which have to be resolved before they can live happily ever after.

Check out Story Building Blocks II: CraftingBelievable Conflict and the companion Build A Cast Workbook to build characters based on personality traits. It is important to understand what different characters need and want and why they do what they do to determine if they will be successful as a couple.

What brings your lovers together and helps them overcome the problems? Choose at least three then the final component that cinches the deal.

~ Ability to apologize

~ Compatible personality traits

~ Compatible romantic styles

~ Dependability

~ Drawing strength from each other

~ Equal emotional intelligence

~ Equal level of intelligence

~ Fulfilling each other’s emotional needs

~ Fulfilling each other’s physical needs

~ Loyalty

~ Lust or physical chemistry

~ Mutual admiration

~ Mutual friends

~ Safety

~ Shared causes (social, political, religious)

~ Shared circle of friends

~ Shared financial habits

~ Shared history (same school, town, etc.)

~ Shared life circumstances

~ Shared life goals (home, work, children)

~ Shared core needs

~ Shared passions or hobbies (sports, travel, books, etc.)

~ Shared personal narratives (both had one sibling, divorced parents, etc.)

~ Shared religion

~ Shared secrets

~ Shared sense of humor

~ Shared views on friendship

~ Shared views on family

~ Shared work venue and/or work ethic

Can you think of others? Next week, we will examine obstacles to love.

To learn more about plotting the Romance, check out the recently released Romance Build A Plot Workbook available in print and e-book.

For more about how to craft plots using conflict check out, Story Building Blocks: The Four Layers of conflict available in print and e-book and check out the free tools and information about the series on my website.

Romance Skeleton

Last week, we examined Romance subgenres. This week, we look at the building blocks that make up the romance skeleton.

The overall story problem is a relationship between two people.

The reader asks: Will they or won't they?

The characters overcome obstacles that keep them from finding each other, connecting, or staying together. A Romance can be mixed with other genres. The framework of this structure is that boy or girl meets, possesses,  or loses the object of their affection and must win, keep, or reclaim them.

In Romance stories, the protagonist is the person looking for love in all the wrong places, has found love and lost it, or is trying desperately to hold onto it. The love interest is the other main character, a co-protagonist of sorts.

The antagonist is the person most intent on keeping the lovers apart. It could be parents who object on religious, societal, or ethnic reasons. It could be an ex-boyfriend or a second person vying for the protagonist’s or love interest’s affection.

Other stories involve an inequality in income, status, ethnicity, etc. that stand in the way of their  romance. There are difficulties with differing family traditions and beliefs based on ethnicity, religion, geography, even rural versus city. They are complicated by pride and misunderstandings.

Romances examine the question of how to effectively love and live with a partner. Two characters can mean well, but take actions that are counter to their partner’s well-being.

A happy ending is expected in this genre. People read these stories to feel good about the potential of relationships. They want to see a couple make it. This plot resonates with our need to be loved and fulfills our desire to live happily ever after.

The girl can find out guy A isn’t what she wanted after all because she has found guy B (her friend), but this is not the genre for an “I’m okay on my own” ending. That story belongs in the Literary aisle. Romance readers want passion and fulfillment and will be very disappointed if they don’t get it.

The difference between a Romance and a romantic subplot in another genre is the overall story problem. In a Romance the relationship is the focus: will they or won't they? In other genres the romantic entanglement is a complicating factor to the genre's overall story problem.

External Conflict scenes focus on the central question, moving toward and away from the two lovers coming or staying together. The protagonist is actively working to solve the overall story problem: the quest for love. These scenes directly involve the protagonist and the love interest. The verbal camera is zeroed in on conflicting and sweet moments between the two of them. There will be moments when the prospects look bleak. There will be moments when the prospects look promising. The protagonist engages in activities to win the girl, or whatever twist you are placing on the traditional love story. He buys her roses or hires her favorite rock band for her birthday party. These are the grandiose gestures, the gestures that fail, and the fight and make-up scenes. This is the type of scene where the protagonist proposes, is rejected, and proposes again. 

Antagonist Conflict scenes focus on the person or forces most invested in keeping the lovers apart. The protagonist has dinner with his girlfriend’s father who tells him he isn’t good enough. His rival trips him up and he misses a date with the object of his desire. These scenes can involve the antagonist, protagonist, and/or love interest depending on the point of view you are following. Most should involve the antagonist or antagonistic forces and
protagonist or love interest in direct conflict or competition. They can show the antagonist wooing the girl behind his friend’s back, depending on the POV. 

Interpersonal Conflict scenes focus on the people who are meddling in the relationship. The protagonist’s mother tells him love is worth fighting for. His coworker tells him his love interest was a centerfold. His sister tells him to drop his loser friends and keep the girl. These scenes can be divided up between the protagonist and love interest interacting with other characters or secondary characters working to thwart them or aid them. These scenes can be the secondary characters reacting to the external conflict scenes or following their own subplots depending on the point of view used. There is often a secondary couple, i.e. the best frenemies, whose romance has complications.

Internal Conflict scenes center on the protagonist’s, and potentially the love interest’s, personal dilemma. The protagonist is cycling in the park debating whether to keep his frustrating job. The love interest is sitting at someone’s baby shower wondering if she is really ready to commit. If the viewpoint shifts between the protagonist and his love interest, you can divide these scenes between them to express their inner turmoil over the relationship. These scenes can involve secondary characters but the focus is on their internal decision making. They can be the reaction scenes to the external conflict scenes.

Next week, we look at the importance of points of connection in a Romance.

To learn more about plotting the Romance, check out the recently released Romance Build A Plot Workbook available in print and e-book.

For more about how to craft plots using conflict check out, Story Building Blocks: The Four Layers of conflict available in print and e-book and check out the free tools and information about the series on my website.

Romance Subgenres

Last week, we explored the Road Trip skeleton. This week, we break down Romance subgenres. Hands down, Romance has one of the largest audiences and there are hundreds of "flavors" from mild to spicy to choose from.

1. Contemporary romance is the highest-selling subgenre and is defined by obstacles to love that occur post World War II to modern day. It is often combined with or related to the term “women’s fiction.”

2. Historical Romance explores obstacles to love that occurred prior to World War II and may feature elements of mystery or “damsel in distress.” It includes categories such as Regency Romance. Few are published in hardcover.

2. Romantic Suspense combines the Romance structure with a subplot from the Mystery or Thriller genres. These are typically contemporary settings, but can be historical settings. Girl and boy meet, one saves the other and they end up as a couple when the ordeal is over.

3. Paranormal Romance combines the Romance structure with a Fantasy or Horror subplot. Normal or otherworldly boy meets girl and faces paranormal threats but lives happily ever after. These typically include vampires, werewolves, ghosts, zombies, or witches. They can also add elements of other subgenres such as Thriller, Mystery or Chick lit, but the focus is on the romance and the paranormal elements.

4. Science Fiction Romance combines the Romance structure with a Science Fiction subplot. The setting is in a future time or a parallel version of our own world, but the focus is on how their relationship survives the obstacles.

5. Romantic Fantasy combines the Romance structure with a Fantasy subplot that features dragons, wizards, fairies, merpeople, etc.

6. Time Travel Romance has a time travel twist, incorporating both contemporary and historical obstacles to love.

7. Christian Romance features chaste and Christian-themed obstacles to love. The story problem is influenced by, and often solved by, the character’s faith.

8. Multicultural Romance mixes ethnic, nationality, and cultural obstacles to love.

9. LGBT Romance can be set any time or place utilizing characters that are homosexual or bisexual and the obstacles they face to their love from self, society, family, etc. They can adopt obstacles from other genres as long as a main character is LGBT.

10. Erotica imbues the romance structure with sexually explicit content.

Next week, we examine the story building blocks for the Romance genre.

Check out the newly released Romance Build A Plot Workbook available in print and e-book.

For more about how to craft plots using conflict check out, Story Building Blocks: The Four Layers of Conflict available in print and e-book and explore the free tools and information about the series on my website.