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| Venus and Adonis by Titian |
Last week, we looked at basics for writing consent and how to word erotic scenes. This week, we examine a few mechanics.
This post is for the benefit of fiction writers and screenwriters. Movies and television get it wrong so often, it is cringe-inducing. When writing about satisfying sex, there are a few fundamental factors that are ignored, especially where the fairer sex is involved.
1. Timing
For a person to enjoy sex, it helps if the timing is right, not perfect, just mentally and physically conducive.
Directly after being raped, assaulted, and shot for instance is not a good time. Neither is having run for two days straight from bad guys to the point where you are brain dead and physically drained, covered in mud and blood.
There are people who enjoy make-up sex after an argument. That is not the same as expecting sex when your partner has just emotionally devastated you. Even if the misunderstanding is cleared up, a recovery period should be built in.
Non-sexual touch is skipped over, but crucial to rebuilding the connection so it feels safe to be vulnerable enough for sex. It could take days depending on the wound inflicted. Whatever you do, be sensitive and don't model abusive behavior.
2. Tumescence
Contrary to popular belief, women don't walk around in a constant state of arousal. Once aroused, the level of tumescence increases substantially. But the majority of women don't go from zero to ready in five seconds or less. It takes more than a guy saying "You're hot" to open the tap so to speak.
Scenes where the guys shoves a woman against the wall, furniture, or stairs (dear heaven the back!), lift a skirt, and pump and dump for a minute are not erotic. It would be a dry hump and severely irritating.
Also, it is extremely difficult to be sufficiently lubricated while in water. This includes showers, hot tubs, pools, and - talk about a burn - salt water. Don't get me started on alcohol- ouch.
3. Temperature
Cold hands may suggest a warm heart, but it is nearly impossible to bring your partner to orgasm with cold hands applied to her clitoris. And ice? Are you kidding me? In the middle of a snowstorm? Nope.
4. Tempo
Whether manual stimulation or penetration, rhythm must build to exploding fireworks. It takes more than five seconds.
The desired overall rhythm is different for each woman, perhaps each encounter. Usually, starting off slow then increasing speed leads to a satisfying climax. The encounter should build to a crescendo. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am is not erotic, but it is depicted so often men think it is the gold standard. They don't know better if we don't tell them.
5. Touch
Touch is another highly personal factor: when to be soft, when to apply more pressure. Usually friction builds along with tempo. A light touch brings on the tumescence required for rising pressure and tempo, just like your sex scene.
Some films only allow a few minutes for its gratuitous sex scene and get right to the point, so to speak. *Shudder.*
When writing fictional sex, however, take your time and make it enjoyable for everyone.
The only way to reverse misinformation and psychologically unhealthy depictions of sex and intimacy is to start mirroring healthy encounters. Books, films, and television are often the sole source of information for young people. That's a tragic statement about our society's squeamishness when it comes to sex education. As a writer, hold yourself accountable. Be part of the change.
Here are a few articles on writing sex with sensitivity.
1. Writing Safer Sex in Fiction from Writer's Digest
2. Honest and Subtle Writing About Sex in Young Adult Literature from The Conversation
3. Rape Scenes Aren't Just Awful, They're Lazy Writing by Laura Hudson
4. Writing Sex Scenes by Randy Susan Meyers
5. Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships University of Washington
6. Roadblocks to Healthy Sex, Intimacy, and Relationships by Crystal Jackson
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