Last week we talked about what tone is, and isn't. This week we'll try to define it with examples.
You are writing a
Romance.
Let's say Dick, your narrator, is at a company picnic in a park. The
sky is clear. The grill is smoking. His coworkers are drinking beer and it is
mid afternoon. How does Dick feel about being there? If he is an extrovert and
happy with his job, he is lightheartedly milling around, joking, laughing, and
downing brews with the best of them. He has a great time, until he learns
something that turns his happy place into a not so happy place. Like the fact
that his rival, Ted, got the promotion instead of him. Dick worries that Ted’s
promotion gives him a leg up with the girl of both men’s dreams. Dick leaves
feeling determined. He rushes to call Sally before Ted can. The tone in this story should reflect Dick's upbeat point of view and competitive attitude
toward the situation. If your romance is light and breezy, Dick views this
obstacle as a fun challenge. He finds a way to woo Sally, no matter what
comical lengths he must go to. There is tension, but it is a funny situation. If your romance is a tragedy, Dick views this
scene as one more nail in his coffin. There is tension, but it is bleak, foreshadowing inevitable demise, and somber.
You are writing a Thriller.
Dick is at the company picnic in the park. The sky
is overcast and threatening rain. The barbecue smoke makes his eyes water and
nose run. He hates hotdogs. He hates his co-workers. He wishes he never had to
see those drunken slobs ever again; but he grins and bears it until he can
steal the research documents. So, he sips water. He smiles, nods, and bides his
time. When he feels everyone is drunk enough, he goes back to the office and
begins the search. In this example, Dick views the situation as dark and bleak.
He focuses on the negative. The picnic is something to be endured to meet his
goal. The overall tone of the story focuses on the tension, the hurry, the risk. There may be light moments, but there is no doubt that the situation is serious and the consequences are high.
You are writing a Literary novel.
Dick is at the company picnic in the park. He
desperately needs the promotion. He has child support and outrageous alimony to
pay. He can't afford to be unemployed. The sun burns. He sweats profusely. The
smoke is suffocating and the stench of roasting steak makes his stomach churn. Dick
circulates. He shakes hands and fake smiles at his coworkers until his jaws
hurt. He finds out Ted got the promotion. In fact, Dick’s department is being
cut. Dick is grateful when it starts raining so he can leave and drown his
sorrows in a bottle of Scotch. In this example, the tone could be comic or
tragic. The reader walks away, wryly acknowledging that bad things happen to
good people, or walks away ruminating on the evils of cruel corporations. There is tension. It is either released by continual humor, or you emphasize the pathos of modern living along the way.
Revision Tips
As you read through your manuscript, consider the narrator's tone. Can you
identify it? Do you want the story to be breezy, syrupy, gripping, horrifying,
or funny?
What is your genre? Does the tone correlate?
Look at your descriptions and setting. How does the point of view character
view the situation? Is it consistent with the tone you have adopted?
Do the details that your character focuses on and the words he uses to relate them support the tone?
Do the details that your character focuses on and the words he uses to relate them support the tone?
Is your tone consistent? Do you find yourself handling the material as dramatic in one scene and slapstick in another?
For these and other tips on revision, pick up a copy of:
http://www.amazon.com/Story-Building-Blocks-III-Revision/dp/1475011369
http://www.amazon.com/Story-Building-Blocks-III-Revision-ebook/dp/B007SPPL68
